Farewell in Nova Scotia

Pater/Mater Noster, Qui Es In Caelis ….

There is so much pain now for those in Nova Scotia especially on top of the pandemic pain, loss and death. Nova Scotia is mourning 23 people (at last count) brutally murdered at the hands of a gunman pretending to be a trusted person who protects lives. Where does one find solace at this very dark time? More so, especially after Easter.  Where is the hope, where is the peace, where is the love we all crave in this world? Where are you God?

I personally understand some of the pain and emotions that those in Nova Scotia who have lost a loved one are feeling. I have experienced the death of my son who tragically and unexpectedly took his own life. I have felt the numbness and shock;  I have experienced the very real physical pain in my heart. This pain, I can assure, you is real and deeply hurts. I am assuming these families and friends are feeling a heaviness in all their limbs, yet at the same time not feeling grounded at all, with nowhere to turn, no way to seemingly cope and make sense of what has happened in their lives.  They may have awakened these past 2 mornings with aching hands as they slowly unclench their fingers from the fist that they have held tight all night long. That is, if they could sleep at all. The unexpected, especially if tragic, death of a loved one has a definite physical response that is more than tears from crying;   it is very real, very painful and lingers a long time.

I recall that through those first days, weeks and months, amid the physical sensations of loss and heartbreak, I also had a sense my son was with me. Surrounding me.  I could feel his presence, not like I was accustomed to as in his voice, his hugs, his commanding physical presence – but somewhere within me I didn’t know existed. It was a healing presence, a loving presence, a reassuring presence that helped me to take the next breath when I seemed to struggle hard to continue to breathe into the next minute, hour, or day.

I am understanding the phrase that “love never dies” more fully each day. It seems very clear to me that I loved my son physically; after all he was flesh of my flesh, but also spiritually in a way that continued to allow me to keep a real relationship with him. I loved my son with my heart and soul. I not only loved his body (which was adorable) but also his spirit that radiated through him. I believe it is here “in the spirit “that the love we share has continued to grow and provide something our bodies are unable to do. It is in this reality where there is no time or space, no human measure of any kind, that our love relationship has grown and changed and continues to bring love, possibly even for him. I suspect so.

The daily gospel readings since Easter have focused on the Risen Christ bringing peace, and breathing the Holy Spirit into his friends and into us. These readings have had a deeper meaning during these days. What does it mean to believe we are born in the Spirit? What can we take from this truth that may help us all through these days and bring us peace? My experience is only a very personal sliver of understanding the deep truth that supports my faith.

I am praying for and with those mourning families in Nova Scotia, and those who have lost family members to the COVID pandemic. I pray that they feel, sense, know some presence of the spirit of their loved ones, holding them, consoling them, and loving them through this heartbreaking time, sustaining them and loving them intensely. The veil that separates us from the realm of the spirit is very thin. We in our flesh cannot penetrate this veil. Those in spirit life can, and they do find us.
          - Fran Duffy, Calgary -